Special funny retirement quotes


   I have laboriously collected this cento out of diverse writers. I have wronged no authors but given every man his own.... Bees do little harm and damage no one in extracting honey; I can say of myself, whom have I injured? The matter is theirs most part, and yet mine.... it becomes something different in its new setting.
 ~inspirational quotes on Quotations by Robert Burton, Anatomy of Melancholy

   Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
 ~funny retirement quotes about Carpe Diem by Elbert Hubbard

   Every grown-up man consists wholly of habits, although he is often unaware of it and even denies having any habits at all.
 ~wise sayings on Habits by Georges Gurdjieff

   God is a verb, not a noun proper or improper.
 ~funny retirement quotes on God by R. Buckminster Fuller, No More Secondhand God, 1963

   Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
 ~motivational quotation on Drugs by P.J. O'Rourke

   One's friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human.
 ***funny retirement quotes by George Santayana

   You can fall in love at first sight with a place as with a person.
 ~famous sayings about retirement by Alec Waugh

   I don't know why people like the home run so much. A home run is over as soon as it starts.... The triple is the most exciting play of the game. A triple is like meeting a woman who excites you, spending the evening talking and getting more excited, then taking her home. It drags on and on. You're never sure how it's going to turn out.
 ~inspirational quotes on Baseball by George Foster, 1978

   A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.
 ~funny retirement quotes about Friendship by Donna Roberts

   If things do not turn out as we wish, we should wish for them as they turn out.
 ~wise sayings on Happiness by Aristotle

   When a man sends you an impudent letter, sit right down and give it back to him with interest ten times compounded, and then throw both letters in the wastebasket.
 ~funny retirement quotes on Anger by Elbert Hubbard

   I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.
 ~motivational quotation on Books Reading by Anna Quindlen, Enough Bookshelves, New York Times, 7 August 1991

   The language of friendship is not words but meanings
 ***funny retirement quotes by Henry David Thoreau

   Bad habits are easier to abandon today than tomorrow.
 ~famous sayings about retirement by Yiddish Proverb

   Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another.
 ~inspirational quotes on Being Yourself by Homer

   Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
 ~funny retirement quotes about Jobs by John G. Pollard

   To have become a deeper man is the privilege of those who have suffered
 ~wise sayings on Adversity by Oscar Wilde

   The healthy being craves an occasional wildness, a jolt from normality, a sharpening of the edge of appetite, his own little festival of Saturnalia, a brief excursion from his way of life.
 ~funny retirement quotes on Stress by Robert Maclver

   You may not have saved a lot of money in your life, but if you have saved a lot of heartaches for other folks, you are a pretty rich man.
 ~motivational quotation on Helping by Seth Parker

   If nothing is going well, call your grandmother
 ***funny retirement quotes by Italian Proverb

   Prosperity is not without many fears and distastes, and adversity is not without comforts and hopes.
 ~famous sayings about retirement by Francis Bacon

   While on a ladder, never step back to admire your work.
 ~inspirational quotes on Safety by Author Unknown

   A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others.
 ~funny retirement quotes about Teachers by Author Unknown

   Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
 ~wise sayings on Philosophy by John Keats

   My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
 ~funny retirement quotes on Funny Saying by Groucho Marx

   All bicycles weigh fifty pounds. A thirty-pound bicycle needs a twenty-pound lock. A forty-pound bicycle needs a ten-pound lock. A fifty-pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.
 ~motivational quotation on Bicycling by Author Unknown

   Those who never rebelled against God or at some point in their lives shaken their fists in the face of heaven, have never encountered God at all.
 ***funny retirement quotes by Catherine Marshall, Christy, 1967

   If you knew how meat was made, you'd probably lose your lunch.
 ~famous sayings about retirement by k.d. lang

   Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul.
 ~inspirational quotes on Homosexuality by Bruce Bawer, The Advocate, 28 April 1998

   It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either
 ~funny retirement quotes about Freedom by Mark Twain


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